Luckily I remembered the words of Robert Anton Wilson, who said that every man should write their own Bible. So, here is Chapter One. Don't worry, it is only short:
1. In the beginning was the Word.
2. No-one knows what this Word was, or what language it was in, or whether it was said sarcastically or not. This is because the beginning was such a long time ago, and no-one who is around now was around then.
3. There are also no recordings of the Word available, which is a shame, as it would have made a good ring-tone.
4. Over the years, many people have claimed that they knew what the Word was. Some say that the Word was ‘God’. Others, that it was ‘funky’, or ‘artichoke’, or ‘jiggle’.
5. The agnostic says, “This does not concern me. This Word, if ever there was one, was not intended for my ears.”
6. “I know this because I was not around at the beginning, and no-one would think to look for me there.”
7. “If anyone needs to speak to me I am quite contactable.”
Everyone should attempt to write a Bible at some point, I think.
If you are lucky I will post up chapter two at some point.